Meandering Towards Peace

Meandering Towards Peace

The early years

It all started (i think) when I was held back in primary school because I was labeled dyslectic, i got my words mixed up so I read very slow and my spelling was atrocious. I was a dreamer in school. Looking out the window most of the time as i didn’t understand what the teacher was on about. My big brave teacher thought it best if i was kept back a class or two. Nothing against him, he was only doing his job I suppose. I remember my mother being called into my school, where she was told that i would not be moving up to the next grade when school resumed after the summer break. On the walk home I asked mum what was wrong. I could see she was upset. That’s when she told me what the school had decided. I would have been around nine years old at that time.

Of course this had a negative effect on both my Mum and Dad, they were both very disappointed naturally. When Dad was upset with me for whatever reason he would call me stupid or “you will never make anything of your self”. Mum was great she never really mentioned it again. But the “your stupid” stayed with me and still does. It became a negative believe stored away in my memories library, hiding there until my false self (dark side, ego) would drag it up to cause inner discomfort, Stupid. Cause and effect is a egoic tool for causing feelings of inferiority or any so called “defect of character”.

We didn’t have a-lot of money so there were times when the soles of my shoes wore out and socks got so wet. Trudging through the snow was especially uncomfortable as you can imagine. You know how young teenagers are with their appearance. Must be lookin glam eh! Well not me, with only one pair of trousers for school, leaky shoes and wet socks. Gym could also be a problem as we couldn’t afford all the gear. Now that inferiority complex was strengthening. Wait more complexes to come yet.

As I got older and more exposed to the outside world and the inconsistencies between God, love and fear. As a result my faith in God started to wane. That worsened when I left school and had to fend for myself in the big scary world outside. It made me feel alone and insecure. The overriding feeling I experienced was fear and I didn’t know how to handle it. Growing up in a large Irish Catholic family was both comforting but also fearful. Fear comes in many forms, anger, resentment, guilt, inferiority etc..

Catholic doctrine is based on the fear of God. This fearful God was only fearful when you sinned, God forbid it was a mortal sin. if it was a mortal sin then you were doomed to hell. But there is a way back and thats through confession. Tell the priest all your sins and go get holy communion the next day and all is good again. Your’er a good boy now and God loves you. Mind you initially, to a little boy, this was comforting. So to rap-up, if you sin you have a fear full God and if you Confess, take penance and communion, you are resolved and God Loves you. So what was my next defect of character as they say? Guilt, Unworthiness, Not good enough. I can keep going..

The Hazy Years

This is going to be a short reflection. At the age of sixteen i found something better and it made me feel so Better – Alcohol. One beer and all my inhibitions just drifted away. I remember that first drink well and the feelings of excitement and invincible. It was only one bottle of beer but that feeling of release from fear was memorable. But then what if i drank more, wouldn’t i feel even better? First time i tried that i was violently sick. That didn’t stop me drinking of course but i did try to control it a bit more. And that didn’t work either. i was a binge drinker, could go days without a drink then Bang at the weekends, complexly off the rails. Lost count of how many jobs i lost over my drinking years and how many people i hurt.

The Clearing Years

After fifteen years of alcohol dependence I found Alcoholics Anonymous with the help of a dear friend. Step three of the twelve step AA program stated “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him“. For a list of the twelve steps click here

AA Started me on a completely different spiritual path and away from conventional religions and towards something… but I didn’t know what. We all have a positive or negative reaction to the word God, but thats all it is, just a word. AA doesn’t discriminate when it comes to religion. You can be of any denomination you want, all AA wants is to help you get sober. However most people that join up with AA don’t follow any religion, except the bottle type. The word God to a practicing alcoholic is frightening.

My first six months in AA where what we call our honeymoon period. This is when we experience peace and joy in our life, probable for the first time ever. It an awaking that shows us that life without alcohol is possible. Not only possible but amazingly exciting. I remember my first meeting with an AA counselor so clearly. i asked him but what am i going to do with all my time if i give up drinking. He said Paul, you can do anything you want to do. That statement stayed in my mind all the way home in the bus that night. I actually got excited with the prospect. Yip, jumped in with both feet.

My time in AA allowed me to explore other metaphysical spiritual paths and there are many. the one that i was introduced to first and one that really caught my attention was “A Course in Miracles” I dabbled in the course for many years but found it obscure and a little confusing. I was when i met my new best friend and soon to be my wife that we both look at it together.

Give Peace a Change

My marriage to Fabian in 1997 was the second best decision I ever made in my life as Fabian was also looking to extend her spiritual beliefs. In our relationship we worked together to find peace and joy in our understanding of GOD, our higher power. We read, love and practice A Course in Miracles (ACIM) on a daily bases and still explore the many talented authors that teach the Course. Not forgetting other masters that teach similar spiritual philosophies.

You will find this statement in the preface of the book that really describes what this book is about:

• Nothing Real can be threaten (Love)
• Nothing Unreal exists (Fear)
• Hear-in Lies the Peace of GOD

Some relevant other Quotes from this book:

• When you meet anyone remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him you will see yourself… For in him you will find yourself or lose yourself.
• Heaven is not a place or condition. It is merely an awareness of perfect oneness.

Origins of ACIM

The Course in Miracles (ACIM) was written as a collaborative venture Helen Schucman and William Thedford. In 1958 Schucman began her career at the Colombian – Presbyterian Medical Centre as Thedfords assistant. In 1965 at a time when their weekly meetings had become controversial, augmentative, that they both dreaded them. Thedford suggested to Schucman that the must be a better way. Schucman believed that his interaction acted as a stimulas, triggering a series of inner experiences that were understood by her as visions, dreams and heightened imaginary, along with an “inner voice” which she identified as Jesus.

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